बीड़ी बाज़ उस्ताद : Personal Peace Over Public Arguments

सूचना : नेवी कट एक ज़ोरदार सिगरेट है जो सालों से शौकीन लोग पीते आ रहे हैं ; गले पे चुभती नहीं है और कड़क भी रहती है। 

हगने मूतने का कैसे करते हो भाई साहब, मैंने सड़क किनारे बैठे पनवाड़ी से पूछा। 

मूतना तो यहीं खम्बे से लग कर हो जाता है मगर हगने का कार्यक्रम बिना बीड़ी पिये नहीं होता।रात को दुकान बढ़ाने के बाद मेट्रो के संडास में एक जला कर बैठ जाते हैं और पेट खाली करके घर निकलते हैं। 

– बस यही गलती मैं हर बार करता हूं, हगने से पहले बीड़ी और माचिस का जुगाड़ करता हूं। 

There was a king named Bobo whose kingdom was called Wonderland. He was very caring towards the people in his kingdom. He fought battles for them so that they could live and sleep in peace. Whenever there was a shortage of ration, he used to distribute his stock food items among the masses and that too for free. On the other hand, kings from the neighboring kingdoms believed that Bobo was a very cruel man. Bobo used to behead their soldiers and his army including himself used to rape women from other kingdoms. In Wonderland he was the hero. Outside of Wonderland he was hated and called bad names. Bobo was immune to the criticism he received but he died happy because he was the star among people whom he genuinely cared for.

Now. Bobo is our conscience and Wonderland is our mind which works on the Thinker and Prover principle. If you believe or make an assumption to believe that something you consider is true, you will go on to find pieces of evidence to make yourself true in your own head. Once I am true to myself, I shall be careless towards the outside world for it does not align with my ideas of the same. That’s it. You do not have to read anymore because if your senses were awake until now, you’ve grasped enough of what is gonna pour out of my aggravated head. Nothing matters to you more than your fair share of opinions and ideas and beliefs and whatever bullshit you cook with constant stirring on the heat and steam of experiences that you encounter in your daily hassle, also called life. This is what is gonna get reinforced in the next few hundred words. You can skip all of this right now to go and play with your hairy beast of a cucumber and make it spit from its punctured face.

Let me get this thing straight to your head. There are some people in this world who are annoying at most, like your room-mate who gets invited on tinder dates but never goes. A few among those elite group of annoying assholes are called dumbass opinion-heads who ask teachers in schools to be armed to combat mass killers. Then finally we encounter a few very very special people who grew up on their mother’s selfless and compassionate breast-feeding and turned out into wasteful debaters. These people can be seen on news channels trying really hard to justify their ideas. Or you can find them on social media spreading hate posts on everything under the sun that in some way shape or form seems to hurt their hugely inflated sense of self. Now that you know what kind of filth disguised as human beings we constantly deal with in life besides the obvious trouble of not getting laid since last Father’s Day, we extend the Thinker and Prover principle to another concept. This concept is called Inner Reality and it has an area of work that is limited to the periphery of our head. Your head as well as my head.


Inner Reality is actually an illusion that we have which makes us believe what we believe. There is no way that you can break out of this reality. No matter how many Freudian slips you try to find or how much you go on psychoanalyzing the shit out of the person looking at your potty face, you will only fail. Our reality is our wall of steel. It is resistance. You can’t bypass it to reach a person’s inner sense of self that they have fed since the time they began pissing in their shorts and laughing at dirty piglets. So what can be done in such a case considering that the material above was the literary version of unstoppable thrusting on two doses of Viagra and now it is time to for us to ejaculate and call it a night?

Nothing can be done. Seriously nothing. This nothing is the same nothing that Americans did to Vietnam when they withdrew in 1973. Same nothing that Jews did to Nazis when Hitler decided for Holocaust in World War II. Same nothing that you did when that buxom of a woman never replied to your text when you were supposedly day-dreaming to inject her with the venom from your snake. Nothing. The wall of resistance is always gonna be there and it is made of steel. And before you forget, what a person thinks is what they have gathered pieces of evidence for proving it to themselves. They have devoted time to raising a baby that you say is evil and deserves capital punishment. This will only result in you getting shouted at, stabbed in the chest, raped till you bleed from your ass or forced to swallow a nuclear bomb pill at the very best.

What was this whole thing about? To sit on your bum and flatten it out and not do anything to change the pathetic-ish world around us. Yes, all this rant was about being indifferent and cold to the Outer Reality and keep on doing what you do and want to do without hurting others in the process of this selfish pursuit of aliveness. And if you think it was waste of time and energy, I had told you in the second paragraph itself that this will not end anywhere. And it ended here. Live and let die because this is the only thing that a pessimistic realist searching for sensibility in this opinionated world can say out loud.

एक लोटा पानी पी लिया है।कल के बंडल में से बची हुई एक बीड़ी भी हाथ में है।चलते हैं हल्के होने।जय जगदम्बे माँ। 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s