बीड़ी बाज़ उस्ताद : Not Buy*Ing The Idea Of Buy*Ing

एक खुली बीड़ी पिला दो भाईसाहब, मैंने एक दुकानदार से कहा और उसने खुले हुए बण्डल में से एक बीड़ी निकाल कर दे दी। 

बीड़ी सुलगाकर मैंने दुकानदार को एक रुपया दिया। 

इसकी क्या ज़रूरत है भाईसाहब, बीड़ी तो चाहे दो पी लो। 

− दुनिया कितनी भी ज़ालिम और मतलबी हो, मगर बीड़ी आज भी प्यार से ही पिलाई जाती है। 

There is a lot of waste that we carry. This waste obviously lies in our intestines, urinary bladder, sweat and mucous glands and also on the foreskin of our genitals. The last one is biologically called smegma, for all you unaware folks to know. Besides this, there lies another waste that is in our heads. The waste of our body gets discharged at its own pace. Since the waste of mind can’t be touched, smelled, seen or felt, very few people know what happens to that. The waste actually turns into stupid ideas than begin to move outside from the dustbin masked as a brain and get vomited through the wet salivary hole present in the skull of a human being.

One such waste idea is that you have to buy new things to live a life the way other people want you to live. Some people buy so that they can get pleasure from the novelty of buying new things while others buy just so that they can feed their compulsion to buy new things. Whatever be the case, conspicuous consumerism is the fancily wrapped evil standing proudly as the decorative vase on your shelf that is killing each of us one new item at a time, one bank transaction at a time.

The media tells us that they have a new product in the market and asks us to buy it or at least try it. This is the media that disguises as television commercials and pains your eyes a third of the time when you sit to watch your favorite news anchor’s debate or your most loved daily soap. This is the media that takes the face of those ads that run in YouTube videos which you want to skip as early and as fast as possible. And this is the same media that faces you in the body of a pompous next door neighbor or a self-obsessed friend or a distant proudy relative of yours who brags with their newly bought whatever piece of whatever brand.


Is unconsciously or impulsively or thoughtfully buying new things just for the sake of buying a good thing? If not, what is bad about it? Okay, let’s answer that for once and for all. Conspicuous consumerism is not a bad thing if your father runs a mobile company that gives free internet SIM cards to people, or you have ancestral land in Silicon Valley where big buildings are standing or if you have invested in the American oil wells project in Afghanistan.

If you view the pictures on the Facebook profile of the person writing this, you’ll find the same pair of blue jeans being worn in 2013 as well as in 2017. What just happened in the last line is unofficially called bragging thy humility. Anyways, we’ll get back to the topic. Since people get seduced into buying the idea that they need to buy new items to have a red-lipped curve on their face, a gigantic cucumber in their shorts, a rear better than wonder woman’s, people are slowly becoming slaves to the capitalist agenda of sucking money from the masses. If you really think that you need that overly fancy shock-water-heat proof and altitude-depth-temperature-direction displaying machine wrapped on your wrist when you simply have the need to see time and not dive in the Pacific ocean, climb Mount Everest or fight in the Third World War, you got to question your motivations.

The person on the other side of the screen who is now typing this, he questioned his motivations. And a voice came in my three-pound miracle of wisdom that told me to fuck all this buying nonsense and since the last two years, I have not bought a single piece of clothing except for an underused black jeans which I borrowed from a relative whose cupboard was overflowing with extra clothing. This looks like a seriously cheap way to live life and it surely is. The money I saved in this process was not used to set up a franchise of rocket fuel or build any sort of employment generating firm. But at last, one person finally had enough pump volume of blood in his veins that he decided to take a sigh of relief from this rat race of showing off your goods to the world and saved himself from being a slave to the modern demands of a false sense of ownership over items which in reality end up owning you. The last line was borrowed from Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club because art doesn’t have a shelf life, unlike your latest Android phone whose software will be out-marketed by a newer version of the same in the next few months!

मैं दूसरी बीड़ी भी ले आया था। अब आगे किसी से माचिस मांग लेंगे। जय माँ भगवती। 



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