Cinema is a great medium to open your mind to new possibilities and experience the realities that exist beyond your horizons of knowledge. There are commercial movies which gather audiences and make those audiences whistle. There are movies that make you cry. There are some movies that have humor and you end up with your cheeks and belly aching after watching those movies. And there are movies that challenge the ideas in your head. I watch those last kind of movies to take back something to ponder upon in the silence that exists before dreams strike in sleep.
Recently I watched the movie “Pink” in the 8th Jagran Film Festival in Siri Fort. It was a movie on sexual harassment as I had previously known. But after watching the movie my presumption on its theme turned out to be only partially correct. It was a movie about power. Power that constantly surrounds our personal lives. Power that strong people assert over those who are not so strong. Power that is the basis of human desire. “Pink” was a movie about that power.
For those who have seen the movie will come to understand what I am writing. If you haven’t seen the movie, read what follows and watch “Pink” afterwards. I am not leaking the story, so read ahead!
When a woman wears a dress that shows off her skin, she is not asking for it. Even if she strips naked, she is not asking for it. A man doesn’t have to assume that a woman is sexually inviting him if she touches him. If she is sitting with you in a closed room, it does not mean she is willing to sleep with you. All these ideas and notions come from the culturally prevailing beliefs of patriarchy and heterosexual male entitlement. And since a man can’t take no due to his shitty understanding of women and relationships, when a woman refuses to comply with his selfish desires, shit happens. Rapes happen. Acid attacks happen. And the society gets blamed. And then movies like “Pink” are made to make people accept a woman as an individual being and understand that every woman who is friendly is not necessarily sexually available.
“No” only makes me chase her more, a perverted man’s mouth vomits phrases that go along with the above statement in some way or the other. And these are the men who are projected in Bollywood movies as true lovers who indulge in begging, stalking and harassing a woman. They do all their predatory acts to make a woman understand why she should love them. “No” means no getting laid and no getting love. And the sound of “No” makes me lose my erection as well as the desire to further be with the woman who says “No”. I have no idea how come these perverts get excited after listening to “No”. I get de-excited.
Once a woman has decided to not sleep with you, you can’t convince her no matter how hard you try. There is no point. The best that can be done is to accept her decision and let her go. If somebody doesn’t like you enough to love you or make love to you, let them have their life. Use tinder. Go to social events. Travel India. Join Yoga class. There are a lot of people who would happily want to share their heart and body with you. You just have to find those people.
To learn to accept a woman’s choices is the best a man can do to show that he genuinely respects women. And learning to accept “No” is the way this journey from patriarchy to sensibility begins. I learned to accept “No” long time back. When will you grow up to being a man? The day that happens, this world will be a better place for women to live in.