Many times I don’t do what I say and plan. I fuck things up. Sitting here getting bored, I was having some thoughts upon integrity. And then I remembered I didn’t do my psychology exercise today. I slept late till 11 am. Jerked off. Then listened to podcasts and sat in front of my phone for few hours. Jerked off. Had food, slept again. Woke up at 5 and again wasted time here and there. Went to cycle and did exercise. Jerked off. Had dinner, wasted time after that in here and there stuff, again.
What the fuck I did the whole day was not only unproductive, it was fucking disgusting. I didn’t stay true to myself but that’s ok. I gave up self loathing long ago but I still do feel sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I don’t stay true to my desires and act upon immediate short term impulses. That’s something that will take time to get out of my system since it is ingrained in my blood. And by “it” I’m talking about Procrastination. That bitch is what needs to be tamed before it jumps to bite my ass from behind.
Karma is as cliché as every motherfuckin blogger and traveller on tinder. I am writing what is coming in my head. This is gonna go ahead unedited.
The following are the worst things I have found out to be in my experience –
People who change their opinions to please me or somebody else. Have the balls to say and the spine to stay. Don’t please anyone since you end up actually losing your value in their eyes.
Never do the things you are not built for. Try things but stay who you are. If you are dumb don’t dress like James bond to show you are smart. You’ll be dumber. Refine your actions without changing who you really are. Read that previous line once again and let it sink down your ass.
Don’t think your dick is the mightiest and all others are loser sissies. You don’t know what others are capable of so don’t brag. And do not belittle them, ever. Most fights happen because of the last two reasons. Reread that. Just because it happened to you, it doesn’t make that fucking shit interesting.
Keep your opinions to yourself, nobody cares enough about you to follow your dumb shit. Don’t speak until asked. It will add a sense of depth and mystery to your personality as well as hide how full of crap you probably are to somebody (or everybody) else.
That’s it. I am now gonna get the laptop and transfer this file into it. Then, post this on WordPress. This was totally out of my bum. No planning.
And yeah, integrity of personality happens when we own the part(s) of our psyche that were once disowned and abandoned. By parts I am specifically pointing to the child self that still exists deep down within us. That’s why I don’t cheat in exam Astik Hooda. I don’t wanna hurt my character for a stupid exam that won’t even matter in my life what-so-fucking-ever the result may be. That’s the end I feel.
Although there is no end, since ending is a beginning into the unknown, this time from a new road. Yesterday there was some porn link advertisement in my phone which automatically got opened. I clicked on close tab. Besides, when I don’t speak in English for some time everyday, I don’t seem to be contented. Maybe that’s why I wrote this piece. Anyways, I’ll jerk off once again before I sleep. This time I wonder who would it be for.
Also, there is no need to wait to see message or reply late when you do care about somebody. The more you try to be cool and act less desperate, the more opportunities you miss to experience intimacy (warm touch of human body) and connection (exchange of bodily fluids). Do no play hard to get and don’t be such a bitch. Or a pussy. Own thy desire. That applies to all, including the one who is typing this and not able to find a suitable adjective for himself. I am pressing the publish button now. Seth Godin calls the urge to delay big stuff as Resistance. I will now beat resistance at its own game.