Sitting here in my shorts and looking at the clock, it’s 2 am on 20 March 2016. Wrapped up in my blanket I wonder upon the fact that whether I am one or not…..
- Am I a man?
- Do my balls give me the right to call myself a man?
- Is a pole superior to a hole? Really?
- How can I be more of an ass-kicker than sentimental? What’s the key to unlock the lion inside me?
- Is is necessary to have flashy arms?
- Does my single status exude masculinity or put the fellow men to shame?
- Is having facial hair manly?
- What about being a virgin? Does that makes a person a not-so-manly?
The basic difference between a man and a male is known to most people. Especially to people who care about gender, feminism and queer. Male is in biological sense whereas man is in social sense.
That’s where the whole point is missed. Somebody pointed out that one fact above and we assumed that is was over. But, that just began. The conquest over manliness was left to the social part and just like that. It was based around equality and freedom to be who you are. Half-right.
A man is judged by the company he keeps. What about women? Aren’t they judged by the company they keep? Or is it that the man is in charge? Whatever. I’m not going to debate over that. I leave it to those folks who do it better than me.
There is a deeper question to ask. The person who gets ahead in life is not the one who does amazing work, but the one who asks great questions. Here are mine and I answered them for you and for myself:
1.”What makes a man a man?”
Some say that conquering your virginity at an early age makes you a man. For some it is about smoking a cigar and riding loud motorcycles. Some folks consider being in forces to be a manly job. Some folks believe that giving more respect to women makes them a man. There are different schools of thought. The best that I found out was in a book “The way of men” by Jack Donovan. He highlighted four virtues for manliness:
(check out his website http://www.jack-donovan.com/axis/)
To some extent he nailed it right. But in today’s time there are some fundamental differences from the historic man. How can we bypass that? We live in nuclear families and the large extended family is no more. Rather than hunting, we slouch over laptop screens. We don’t shit in open, there are fancy toilets. There are no more scar marks, life is too safe. So, by that notion of manliness, most of the people wouldn’t amount to being a man. So, are men no more men anymore?
But the point which is missed here is that why the fuck you have to be a man? Huh? Why?
Can’t you be who you are? Or does the so called “man” enjoys some more in life than what you and I do when we are not being a man? The answer is yes. Man have been subjected to some privileges, societal leverage and other power over many years of the human existence. Especially after the agricultural revolution. That is some serious complicated shit and not to be explained in here (discuss with me about that sometime…..9711370566). But, in its every essence, the battle to be a man and not who you actually are leads to this utter confusion. Stop it. Be who you are. Stop being somebody. Validation is not something you need to pursue, just express yourself in the best possible way.
2.”What makes a non-man aka wuss, sissy, panty-waist, limp-wrist, pussy, wallflower, doormat, subservient, milquetoast into who they are?”
Some expressions are exclusive to the weaker sex. And whoever gave the term “weaker sex” forgot that it is that weaker sex that got him in this world. Anyways. If a male does those feminine expressions-
- Walk with a certain hip motion
- Does that thing with this wrist/hand
- Has soft girly voice
- Is overly expressive and sensitive
- Holds hand of fellow men
A man is not manly enough if he does the above. He is either gay or a weak man. Rest of the adjectives you know. And if you don’t, look above in the beginning.
There are many things that are biologically different but its upto us to choose what we want to showcase other than that. I am not the piece of flesh and pair of balls hanging between my legs. I’m more than that. And she too is not the warm wet tunnel between her legs. She is more than that. Talk to the person and not their so called manly or unmanly self. There are many things that I do that any alpha type douche bag would hate but it makes me feel good. I do it. End of story.
If those “men” care more about what others are doing and talk about that, that itself challenges their manliness. In their shitty lens of machismo, what man would talk about other people and give a fuck about that? You need to consider checking your manliness, bro. You definitely need to. Because its not that whether I am a sissy, its you who cares about me enough to get into questioning my deeds. What is so powerful about me that makes you feel so small inside when you claim to have your manliness intact? That’s the right question to ask.
3.”Is manliness relative or is it fixed?”
There is no point that manliness is fixed. It is cultural and relative. James Bond is a man, so is a Spartan warrior, same goes for pope. And for some folks Jon Snow and Charlie Sheen are men too. God knows what are the standards of manliness across the whole universe. Our gods are also manly but I don’t personally believe in that. Especially the fact that men don’t ask their women to stand in fire and prove their chastity.
I’m physically pretty well maintained. But if were in Sparta, I wouldn’t be manly enough. I must have been through the rites of passage, wrestled stronger men and chopped the heads of a few enemies. Then is when they would consider me as a man.
If I were in Khap Panchayat, my intelligence and open-mindedness would not be of any sense. My ideology in equality between sexes would lead to me being called a wuss and woman pleaser. And if I do that same thing in a feminism meet, people would appreciate my balls. My manliness would shine there.
At last, it is totally contextual when we talk about manliness. We can definitely talk about gender differences but that takes into account two people – you know that, and two viewpoints – of man and woman. But manliness is about one person – any one out of the two, and two contexts. Its really complicated shit and I’ll get into it in more detail later on. Till then think whether you are man enough or not!