Death of the chivalrous man
At some point in our life we all have experienced this (I am in confusion over this)
- Whenever a woman walks with you, walk on the outer side of the road
- Hold doors for her be it of the car or any other
- Offer her first what you plan to have together…..and much more.
Once there was the time of gentlemen in pre-feminist era, the way of the chivalrous man. No doubt they did these acts and reaped the mating benefits, but have the times changed? Or is it still the same ways that need to be followed? Big question.
And before I forget, you must always pay for the woman…. kind of ridiculous for a modern young broke guy, but true.
The feminist movement in the 1970s and ever-growing since then has given equal status to men and women in jobs, work, education, marriage but men are terribly confused at this.
The point comes up is that whether to treat the women equal and allow her to do what she feels, or do things to her and show our so called “chivalry”. This had led to sameness between men and women rather than equality.
It really is a big point but not really catching up with us. I’ll get into that.
When women want equal pay, equal responsibility, equal freedom they demand equality and not “sameness”. What they get is sameness. Both the sexes are considered same in various categories. Women can and do work equal times as men do but at the end of the day, they are women. They want a man who is not just provider for food, but more than just that. The modern women are competent enough to pursue career, work, travel, earn, but all that can never ever bypass our evolutionary development.
In prehistoric time when we used to roam around showing our bare bodies, the concept was this:-
Men are hunters and women are gatherers.
What men give is food and resources and what women do is nurture the kids. Now before the feminists bash me for being a chauvinist, I’ll clear this point.
In modern era, when women have become accustomed and competent enough to gather resources, then what do they want? Do they expect a gentleman?
Do they really need chivalry? This question alone has forced people to study human evolution as a science and follow up with elaborated research on human behavior in mating context.
The whole seduction community, dating industry and the manosphere advice is totally contradictory and terribly confusing. You must have seen it somewhere in action, it goes along the following lines:-
- Never pay for a woman unless you are in relationship
- Don’t apologize or impress her
- Be aggressive and let her chase you
- Call her after at least three days of getting her number
It is crappy and manipulative.
Besides this we have mainstream societal ideology of respect. Buy flowers for her, give her compliments, give gifts, and etc. At one end women demand equality and on the other hand men feel the need to do something to get them. Why do we have to show them something when we are equal?
This is the clear difference, men and women do same thing but they are different and of course they are equal. Equal in the sense of being a human, a person with their own ambitions, passions, interests, self-esteem, dreams, and desires.
The point of treating women as some creatures from “Venus” and putting them on pedestal is note needed. Nor there is a need for the women to act distant, less interested, flaky and hide their intention when they enjoy the company of a man they are attracted to.
After all this, the question of chivalry still remains. To answer the question that whether there is a need of a gentleman or not, we need to address two mindsets.
First one being, that there really is a need of a man who is able to treat a woman as equal while being resourceful. A man must feed the woman, not just with food (she can do that herself) but with some thing that adds value to her life. The mindset of adding value to other’s life and leaving them better than you found them is the key here. This works even when you are not relating to opposite sex, just with anyone in your life. This goes way longer than holding doors for women when you don’t mean it and are doing it to just take something from her (love, companionship, sex or fill in the blank for yourself).
Secondly, of course you can walk the extra mile and show your manners and social intelligence, but remembering to connect with them at a human level while considering them equal is the point. We as men and women are capable of doing same things but thousands of years of evolution have made us little different in mind wiring. The point of respect and connection is the key here. Most of the time women do not want solutions but someone to hear them. Give them your ear and resourceful attitude at appropriate times.
Following this we can be a gentleman with conviction in our deeds rather than following some hyped up pleasing techniques. Let there be light and let’s revive the dying chivalry in modern men. Ultimately, the better the men get, the better the women feel in their presence. Everybody wins.
 Evolutionary science, David Buss and The Mating Mind, Dr. Geoffrey Miller
 Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, John Gray